My mom passed at age 40 due to cancer and I was 5 with brothers 10, 11 and 14 years older than I. My dad's parents and sister watched over me while dad worked and I lived with them full time until around age 11 or 12. That's when dad figured I was old enough to be unsupervised during summer vacation and before/after school. By then the boys were on their own and for the most part it was just dad and I. Although my brother 10 years my senior taught me how to roll my hair after watching his wife do it LOL. I can't say for sure but I think my mom and I would have gotten along well but who knows. From what I have been told, she loved shopping, was a good cook and baker, and very kind and giving. I remember her making clothes for a doll she had bought to give to a child who had no toys at Christmas one year. I got along pretty well with both grandparents and my aunt. Grandma was a great cook and baker and my aunt was I guess the closest thing to the "mother" figure per se. She and I got along great until I graduated from high school and disagreements were not too often. But she had built her life basically around me and when it actually came time for me to get married, she was not too happy and there was a great deal of friction then. She eventually got over it and we meshed pretty well over the years before her passing although she sometimes still liked to butt into other people's business LOL.
Thank you for your tribute to your mom. I think she would be proud. And that's funny when you said our names were our husbands first and last names! Intil we went in the hospital to give birth
My mom too stayed at home during WW11 when my dad fought in Germany. I came later after he returned home. She had a college degree but spent her life as a homemaker. Eventually she worked part-time as a school librarian and then, with my dad, followed her dream and opened a bookstore. It failed but I am still very proud of her decision to take this risk. Thanks for this column, Julie, It made me consider my mother again as a traditional woman for the times who did break free from expected roles later in life.
How we took our mothers for granted! How little we respected them! And yet, my mom saved the farm! My mom did everything--a career as an accountant and a homemaker and a farmwife. Now, I respect the efforts she made to use her true talents--a stint in the Navy during WWII, the true center of the congregation as the church secretary, then bravely leaving that position to work for an engineering company, initiating new programs in HR, then totally enjoying herself in her retirement, even as she cared for her husband. He loved her, adored her, but never understood her or how marvelous she was outside the sphere of wife and mother.
"Ruthie", as my little sister and I called her, was a Taylor County farm girl, and after WWII returned to Iowa and Des Moines with Army Air Corp pilot-husband and her new baby boy.
It was "two shifts and no pay" at home until we were in school and she took a job as secretary to Nellie Phenix at WDM Elementary. There she knew every kid and family in WDM, which extended to 13th Street back then, and treated them all like family. She always denied it but I know she got us the best teachers each year, first through fifth.
Spanking was still a parenting tool in the '50's and I earned more than my share. Eventually I realized that if I ran, she couldn't catch me; and if I let her catch me, it didn't really hurt; and if I laughed instead of cried, she had to laugh, too! I was pretty much in control after that.
We can't choose our parents but we can appreciate the incredible blessing of having had good ones and most of us Iowa kids were so blessed.
Truly splendid piece. My mother---1925-1998 (and father) raised five of us. Mother was editor of a newspaper; was home when we got home from school and had dinner on the table at 6. Miss her every day. Thank you for jogging my senses. Virginia Grek Preston, Simpson class of 70.
What a lovely and compassionate remembrance! I'm glad you and your mom were able to become friends. We owe so much to our mothers, their sacrifices and their stamina.
Dear Julie, even though our Mother's histories are similar, they are not quite the same, but your words today reflected so much of what my mom and I shared, starting with the sweet memories, and then the not so good, followed by an understanding of what we had in common and a peace about how we were so very different. I am sure your words today provided so many of us the opportunity to take that journey once again. The picture your son took was both sweet and peaceful. Please thank Thomas for me for capturing that moment. (All of the pictures tell a special story! Well done!)
Thanks Kathi. So much. One of these days I’ll write about the experiential trainings I’ve taken and how they are the foundation for the healthy, loving relationships I have in my life today. Not an easy process, but so worthwhile.
I am remembering my last days with mom at that wonderful Hospice facility in Des Moines. Just before mom died, the Hospice volunteer explained to me that it was important for me to let her know that I would be all right. When I told her that, she smiled and squeezed my hand. That was the last time I saw her.
Julie, what a fantastic remembrance. I do wonder how she would have braved life in these times! Up, down, or sideways. Maybe a crossword puzzle is the key to survival...
The big difference between us and our moms was choice. Their generation had so few choices. Join the convent or get married. Get married and have as many kids as possible. Stay married no matter what. Take care of everything and everybody for no pay and little thanks. It is no wonder they often resented our rather carefree ways.
What a terrific serving today at "Julie Gammack's Potluck"! Decades ago, when you put together a book of selected columns your dad Gordon Gammack wrote from three different wars, I used the launch of that book to go do a column on your mom Kathryn Gammack and her heroic holding together of the Gammack family during all of Gordon's absences. I titled it something like "the best war story Gordon Gammack never wrote." I loved both of your parents, as you know. Your dad was one of the most important mentors & advisors in my career. All of us who grew up in the 1960s and just after probably had some strain with our parents. That was the nature of that transformational time. But oh my God were they ever good people. And most of us have spent the rest of our own lives just trying to measure up.
Well said, Chuck! I remember the column you wrote. In fact, it was one of the many times I took a look at her role with the respect she deserved. Thanks for that, and thanks for this note.
P.S. I loved this article and I think so timely in light of us as we enter the "mature" years
My mom passed at age 40 due to cancer and I was 5 with brothers 10, 11 and 14 years older than I. My dad's parents and sister watched over me while dad worked and I lived with them full time until around age 11 or 12. That's when dad figured I was old enough to be unsupervised during summer vacation and before/after school. By then the boys were on their own and for the most part it was just dad and I. Although my brother 10 years my senior taught me how to roll my hair after watching his wife do it LOL. I can't say for sure but I think my mom and I would have gotten along well but who knows. From what I have been told, she loved shopping, was a good cook and baker, and very kind and giving. I remember her making clothes for a doll she had bought to give to a child who had no toys at Christmas one year. I got along pretty well with both grandparents and my aunt. Grandma was a great cook and baker and my aunt was I guess the closest thing to the "mother" figure per se. She and I got along great until I graduated from high school and disagreements were not too often. But she had built her life basically around me and when it actually came time for me to get married, she was not too happy and there was a great deal of friction then. She eventually got over it and we meshed pretty well over the years before her passing although she sometimes still liked to butt into other people's business LOL.
What a journey you’ve experienced! Thank you for participating in this conversation!
I know i did not realize all my mom did until she was gone.
Yes!
Thank you for your tribute to your mom. I think she would be proud. And that's funny when you said our names were our husbands first and last names! Intil we went in the hospital to give birth
Right!
My mom too stayed at home during WW11 when my dad fought in Germany. I came later after he returned home. She had a college degree but spent her life as a homemaker. Eventually she worked part-time as a school librarian and then, with my dad, followed her dream and opened a bookstore. It failed but I am still very proud of her decision to take this risk. Thanks for this column, Julie, It made me consider my mother again as a traditional woman for the times who did break free from expected roles later in life.
Interesting! Thanks for your response.
How we took our mothers for granted! How little we respected them! And yet, my mom saved the farm! My mom did everything--a career as an accountant and a homemaker and a farmwife. Now, I respect the efforts she made to use her true talents--a stint in the Navy during WWII, the true center of the congregation as the church secretary, then bravely leaving that position to work for an engineering company, initiating new programs in HR, then totally enjoying herself in her retirement, even as she cared for her husband. He loved her, adored her, but never understood her or how marvelous she was outside the sphere of wife and mother.
Thanks for being a reader, too.
My pleasure.
Wow! Great comment!
"Ruthie", as my little sister and I called her, was a Taylor County farm girl, and after WWII returned to Iowa and Des Moines with Army Air Corp pilot-husband and her new baby boy.
It was "two shifts and no pay" at home until we were in school and she took a job as secretary to Nellie Phenix at WDM Elementary. There she knew every kid and family in WDM, which extended to 13th Street back then, and treated them all like family. She always denied it but I know she got us the best teachers each year, first through fifth.
Spanking was still a parenting tool in the '50's and I earned more than my share. Eventually I realized that if I ran, she couldn't catch me; and if I let her catch me, it didn't really hurt; and if I laughed instead of cried, she had to laugh, too! I was pretty much in control after that.
We can't choose our parents but we can appreciate the incredible blessing of having had good ones and most of us Iowa kids were so blessed.
Well said, Bob!
I remember your mom who was so nice to me. I lived with all of you each summer, and she treated me like just another kid!
We go waaaaaay back, eh?
Truly splendid piece. My mother---1925-1998 (and father) raised five of us. Mother was editor of a newspaper; was home when we got home from school and had dinner on the table at 6. Miss her every day. Thank you for jogging my senses. Virginia Grek Preston, Simpson class of 70.
Thanks for saying so. Much appreciated!
What a lovely and compassionate remembrance! I'm glad you and your mom were able to become friends. We owe so much to our mothers, their sacrifices and their stamina.
Thanks, Carol. Family relationships are complicated. Eh? Miss you!
Thank you for writing this column on this day, Julie. It is lovely, your words are simply lovely, in so many ways.
Thank you so much, Kathi! Your feedback and perspective are so meaningful.
Dear Julie, even though our Mother's histories are similar, they are not quite the same, but your words today reflected so much of what my mom and I shared, starting with the sweet memories, and then the not so good, followed by an understanding of what we had in common and a peace about how we were so very different. I am sure your words today provided so many of us the opportunity to take that journey once again. The picture your son took was both sweet and peaceful. Please thank Thomas for me for capturing that moment. (All of the pictures tell a special story! Well done!)
Thanks Kathi. So much. One of these days I’ll write about the experiential trainings I’ve taken and how they are the foundation for the healthy, loving relationships I have in my life today. Not an easy process, but so worthwhile.
Thank you for this piece, Julie. Can't wait to finally meet you at some point!
Likewise!
Beautiful Julie! Thank you!!
I am remembering my last days with mom at that wonderful Hospice facility in Des Moines. Just before mom died, the Hospice volunteer explained to me that it was important for me to let her know that I would be all right. When I told her that, she smiled and squeezed my hand. That was the last time I saw her.
Love you sister
That’s so sweet. Thanks, brother dear
Julie, what a fantastic remembrance. I do wonder how she would have braved life in these times! Up, down, or sideways. Maybe a crossword puzzle is the key to survival...
Or, Wordle.
The big difference between us and our moms was choice. Their generation had so few choices. Join the convent or get married. Get married and have as many kids as possible. Stay married no matter what. Take care of everything and everybody for no pay and little thanks. It is no wonder they often resented our rather carefree ways.
Exactly.
What a terrific serving today at "Julie Gammack's Potluck"! Decades ago, when you put together a book of selected columns your dad Gordon Gammack wrote from three different wars, I used the launch of that book to go do a column on your mom Kathryn Gammack and her heroic holding together of the Gammack family during all of Gordon's absences. I titled it something like "the best war story Gordon Gammack never wrote." I loved both of your parents, as you know. Your dad was one of the most important mentors & advisors in my career. All of us who grew up in the 1960s and just after probably had some strain with our parents. That was the nature of that transformational time. But oh my God were they ever good people. And most of us have spent the rest of our own lives just trying to measure up.
Well said, Chuck! I remember the column you wrote. In fact, it was one of the many times I took a look at her role with the respect she deserved. Thanks for that, and thanks for this note.