Emails, texts do not equal communication
…a cautionary tale from an incident yesterday
It happens to all of us. We miss an email. We forget to acknowledge an email. We dash off a quick ‘yes,’ or a three-word response when something more substantive is warranted.
And the person on the receiving (non-receiving) end makes up a story about what we mean. Those made-up stories usually say more about our internal insecurities, than they do about the other person.
I found myself bothered by an abrupt response to an email about engagement in a project, and was making up tales about what she was really thinking, and decided to reach out - months after the exchange - and check to make sure we were cool.
She had misinterpreted a one-sentence email I’d sent and had been stewing about it all this time, convinced she wasn’t worthy somehow, and had felt dismissed.
Fortunately, this time, she was forthcoming about her hurt, and when we worked it through, we were laughing about our stupidity in misinterpreting something without getting clarity.
I’m not going to out this person, but suffice it to say, that most people around her would be surprised to think she had any kind of insecurities, having attained peak professional success.
Stop guessing. She is not from around here.
No one I know is immune from the specter of perceived slights, and the self-talk that can ensue.
That’s an ongoing problem with email and texts, the ubiquitous form of communicating today, where all tone, body language, and inflection are stripped away. A message sent in jest, for example, can lead to hard feelings or worse.
I find myself swimming in emails - 200 + a day - and cannot keep up. And there are more I don’t see because I rarely check my Junk folder, and should. I’ve unearthed significant correspondence from people who are in my contacts list and whose email was far from ‘junk.’ It’s a rarity, but it happens.
To combat the issue, I have created multiple email accounts in hopes of guiding Okoboji Writers’ and Songwriters’ Retreat correspondence into one place, personal into another, Iowa Writers’ Collaborative into a third bucket, but it’s only cause for frustration and confusion because folks who overlap in all domains can’t figure out which email to use for me.
Richard said to me years ago when I was waiting to hear back from someone: “The only data that you have is that you haven’t had a response.”
Words we all need to take to heart.
Texts and emails invade our space 24/7. There is pressure to answer something within seconds of receiving it. Those who are self-employed find themselves without the traditional weekend off. Work happens seven days a week and at all hours of the day and night. If we are lucky enough to love what we do, it’s not so onerous.
I know I’m not alone in this dilemma.
Look around the folks having a meal in a restaurant. How many have their phones handy, and in use? Oh, they try not to, but someone says something and they need to find more information, then out comes the phone for a ‘quick’ Google search, and off they go into the ethers instead of focusing on the people they are with.
Addiction comes in many forms. I, too, am powerless.
Still, I miss stuff. A lot of stuff. I’m sorry. I discovered an important part of an exchange with someone who was dealing with a significant personal challenge in my Outbox. It had remained a draft email but hadn’t been sent. Now, it is too late, and I ache for a do-over, but she died.
Let’s be careful. If you are mad at someone because of something they said or didn’t say in an email or text, pick up the phone and call them. We all appear thoughtless sometimes because our thoughts are elsewhere.
We are living in a reality separate from anyone else, and none of us know the real challenges others are living, yet I guarantee the person posting happy pictures on ‘Fake Book’ has them, too.
Communication is a human’s most important problem-solving tool. Email and texts fall way short when it comes to real conversations.
Sh*t Richard Says: No man is an island? That’s hogwash? We’re all islands, linked only by our ability to communicate with one another.
Hello? How do you manage your email inbox?
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good one. i will email you later.
Please know that I am giving you a standing ovation for this column as I sit here this morning at my computer. Amen, and Amen to all of the points you've made. Emails and texts are not necessarily communication!